I never thought, i'd ever be in such a situation.

I'm thinking about so many things, that don't really have to do something with my life, but with the lifes of the best friends i ever had. It is so a terrible feeling to see so many relationships breaking around me.

And I'm sorry to say this, but I can't stand this anymore. Just one and a half years ago, my parents divorced, a short time after that, I told a Girl i had been in love with for almost two years, my feelings for her, and she said she saw one of her best friends in me but nothing more.

Then there was silence for a while, I got new friends and i got worse at school.

Then i saw bella and jelle being together I was surprised at first, but then i thougt that was a really nice couple. A few weeks later there was the dancing ball(->see the first post) And just two weeks after this jelle and bella splitted up. i tried to see both sides of theire feelings his and hers, because i like both of them. But then i saw i couldn't be on both sides. janika and his boyfriend aren't happy together, she is always a bit down and I don't know what to do now. I think i lost my head in the relationships of others and stopped thinking about my own life.

This is hard and I'm really not always so happy as I seem.


Although, i haye to tell you this, i want to say you are the best friends I ever had and I hope I'll never forget you. 

2 Kommentare 3.5.07 19:20, kommentieren

Hey guys,

it's so a fucking bad feeling to sit alone at home and can't do anything then sitting here.

I would like to go anywhere and do anything but i can't, I'm ill my head aches and my throath hurts. I was at school today in the morning to give a sheet to my former french teacher, it was about a pupils exchange. Then i went to the doctors he said I should go home and don't do anything than sleep and drink something hot or warm. He gave me a small sheet with the name of the medicin i have to take now.

Every hour 15 drops.

I feel so lonely and I#m just sad I couldn't see any of my friends today.

I just wanna sai I like you all very much.


ohne wachs Ursi

 (bin gespannt wer das versteht grins


5 Kommentare 7.5.07 14:46, kommentieren

Illusion ist alles...



Diese Frage hab ich mir oft gestellt in den Letzten Tagen, ich habe lange darüber nachgedacht.

Unsere Zivilisation ist schon so alt, und trotzdem haben menschen immer noch nicht gelernt mit ihren problemen vernünftig umzugehen.

Ich behaupte nicht, dass ich das kann, ich bin mir durchaus bewusst, dass ich mich auch ablenke und, dass ich vor meinen problemen weglaufe.


Und trotzdem kotz es mich an.


Ich habe schon mit Jo und Ella gesproche und Ella meinte:dass es uns hier doch total gut gehe. Das mag sein, aber es ist trotzdem eine verdammte Scheinwelt in der wir leben und materiell mag es uns ja gut gehen, bloß wenn man im Innnern nur kaputt ist( oder sich zumindest so fühlt) ist es auch nicht besser. Als wenn man nichts zu essen hat.


Sorry wenn das jetz alles voll negativ rüberkommt, mir gehts blos einfach seelisch( und körperlich) total scheiße.

Ich werde morgen wieder zur Schule gehen auch wenn ich mich total scheiße fühl.


Bis morgen

Euer Lars

2 Kommentare 9.5.07 21:39, kommentieren

und doch noch hier...

So now I'm sitting here again, I'm not at school.

My head hurts and I try to do everything to get this away.

When i woke up this morning, my head felt, as if a lot of realy heavy animals had run around on it the whole night. Like an elephant had kicked it.

And although I couldn't even think, i talked to my mum about my actual feelings about the world and everything and she told me, she found it good, that i thought about this. But just sitting around and beiin depressed won't help anyone. And so I got new power and i hope I'll get through this illness quicker than last time.


It's also important, because i get an exchange pupil this saturday.

And i'm really excited to see him and his parents


bis morgen hoffentlich


euer larsi

2 Kommentare 10.5.07 09:59, kommentieren